Who's got my golden arm??!?

What a difference 24 hours can make!... the day started out easy enough. A workout, a Venti non-fat Chai, and a nice morning walk through the farmers market downtown. Followed by what quickly became spring cleaning day... Sounds pretty ordinary right?? This is probably as good a time as any to mention the following details: one drunk dial. (NOT by my fingers!) 2 hostile text messages, A perplexing phone call that may re-open an old friendship... and an accidental slip of the tongue that may just be the final chapter of another. How? you wonder... can such a lovely day be wrapped in such chaos? How did I manage to clean out the pantry, re-organize 2 closets, and deal with such craziness simultaneously??? If you have to ask, than you must not be gay, and clearly not friends with:

The one that perpetuates the drama!!

You know who you are girl... telling me you aren't about the gossip. But all the sentences surrounding that statement are about others peoples business! Notice the silence that meets you on the other end of the line these days? That's a subliminal message for you...lets see if you can read between the lines... Trust me when I say you should just stick to talking (and thinking) about yourself... Not only are you dam good at it. But the things you do are twice as cockamamie as the ones you claim to care about... I'm on to your tricks...the ones that keep people from being friends without you...fortunately that's about to change. And something tells me you ain't gonna like it.

Do I get extra credit points for using cockamamie in a sentence?? ;)

Stroll down memory lane...

Today I saw a very good friend from my past. And although it had been years since we had seen each other, it was as if no space had come between us... and even though that is a fantastic thing, it made me sad. because I realized, that I don't have any friends of that caliber anymore.

Sure...I have the friends I hang out with... have dinner with...watch "Dirt" with... but what has happened to the best friend? The do anything for you, by your side no matter what, defends you during the drunken bar fight "best" friend?? The answer I'm afraid, is sadder than the question.....

Drum roll please....... it's marriage

Being the token gay man in a group is fun... you tell the best stories. Have the best party's. Help all your hags buy fabulous jeans, burn them fabulous dance Cd's, and decorate their fabulous new town homes. This is all fine and dandy. Until their biological clock goes off...

Last Friend Syndrome... or L.F.S... that's my name for it. You know, you go out on endless nights to the straight bars, drink too many Cosmopolitan on the rocks just to be able to dance to the crappy music. All along thinking in the back of your head... "One day I might actually make it to a gay bar!"

Before you know it, you've watched all your friends, one by one, meet a man... get married...and move to a suburban land far, far, away... Leaving you with a smaller group...an ever smaller group....till poof! You are eventually on your own.

I know that this may all sound tragic and dramatic... I am a fag after all... But a guy has to wonder how exactly he is supposed to meet his Mr. Right when everyone else has flown the coop?

I love my friends, don't get me wrong.. and believe me...there's not a one of em I'd want to trade places with... I guess I just miss them...I guess it's true what they say.... people just look at friendships in different ways.

The moral of the story: No one needs your * fabulous* opinion once their jeans have an elastic waistband....

So, one day a penguin was late to work....

He quickly takes a shower, and hops in his car. but half way there, his car breaks down, and he has to get it towed to the mechanic.
"How long till you know whats wrong" asks the penguin, agitated...
The mechanic replies "give me 30 minutes...in the meantime, why don't you head across the street to the ice cream parlor, and see if you can't calm down a little bit"
So the penguin waddles across the street to the ice cream parlor where he proceeds to order 2 giant scoops of vanilla in a cup. He quickly realizes that since he has no hands, he is going to have to eat it straight from the cup, since he cannot hold a spoon. After he's done...feeling much better, he waddles back across the street to see whats wrong with his car.
"figure it out yet" asks the penguin...
"looks like you just blew a seal" replies the mechanic
And the penguin says "No...that's just ice cream"

warning! warning! your friend is about to self destruct!

Isn't it sad... when you watch the people closest to you fall apart... and try to take you down with them... Don't think I haven't figured you out already. I used to care about why we weren't friends any longer. Now when I'm around you I just feel sorry for you... It's so clear how much you just cant stand the life you've created for yourself. Blowin all your cash. playing eye-spy and scaring off your man! I've been the best friend I can be to you. Being unhappy with yourself is no ones fault but your own. only you can change you. clearly drugs/alcohol are not the answer...
*sigh*
It's too bad you couldn't just see the friend I was trying to be. you were just too busy spreading your venom about me behind my back... Attempting to turn people against me that I introduced to you. Thought I was like a brother...

"Just because you've known someone practically your whole life, doesn't mean you have to be friends"

The Donn of a new era...

Well, if you cant beat em...join em... Seems like the best way to keep up with my friends busy lives these days is to read their blogs. So I guess it's about time I give em a way to keep up with me... =) I will try my absolute best to post here anytime anything interesting happens. which lately, seems almost DAILY! stay tuned! -D